A Measure of Failure

I have a lengthy work commute. The drive is an hour one way and though I've commuted 94 miles one way in a previous job, my current commute is simply spectacular and is not an issue at all. It may be for some Rhode Islanders who believe that a 10 mile drive is out of the question; but certainly not for me.

I cross three bridges (over 3 miles) to get to my destination every morning. It’s simply gorgeous crossing the magnificent bodies of water, the lighthouses, driving through some of the towns, and seeing some of the scenery that I see each day. Born and raised in New England, I already knew New Hampshire and Maine were stunning in their own right, but I never knew just how spectacular neighboring Rhode Island was.

                 One of the three bridges that I cross everyday….

Having an hour commute means that I need to keep my mind busy. Not busy like cell phone or text messaging busy. I don't use my cell when I’m driving. The caller can leave a message and I’ll call them back when I get to where I’m going. Instead of text messaging at 60 miles per hour, I keep busy with audio books. When I’m not listening to books, XM radio has plenty to keep my mind occupied, as does the underrated "quiet-time."

A book by one of my favorite authors, John Maxwell, called “Failing Forward” seemed appropriate last week; let me explain. 

I just returned from the 2011 No-Kill Conference in Washington. Well, not really. I have been home for over a week. I arrived home late last Sunday after an exhausting start thanks to United Airlines. I wanted to write about it tonight. 

After an hour, after hour, after hour, yes, even another hour, flight delay, and not a single explanation “why the delay” from anyone at United,” and not one apology from anyone at United, most surely ensured my family will never fly United Airlines again. The customer service was so bad that I wrote a blistering note to United the day I returned from Washington (OVER one week ago), but I have yet to receive a response. I shouldn’t be surprised after how horrific they treated their customers that night.  

We (me and my shelter manager) checked into the hotel just after 3am – guaranteeing a chipper Saturday morning. Like Nathan Winograd posted on his Facebook page; I too remember the all-nighters and the ability to function with little or no sleep. Those days are long gone. At my age, I’m lucky if I can stay awake past 9:30pm. So many thanks to United Airlines for poorly starting off what should have been an exceptional weekend.

The national No-Kill conference has come a long way since Nathan’s very first Building a No-Kill Community seminar in San Diego in 2005. Gone are the days when Nathan was the one and only speaker and the entire conference was held in one small room.

Fast forward six years and Nathan has a sold out conference in a few weeks, 400 attendees, multiple speakers, nationally recognized speakers, work-shops from increasing adoptions, to animal enrichment, to reforming animal-control, to improving fundraising, to Social Media 101, to just about anything animal-sheltering pertinent. It’s quite the event. The only thing missing was a clown twisting balloons into dogs and cats for people as they checked in. 

I may not be able to say that I was at the first “national” No-Kill conference, but I can say I was one of a small intimate group that attended Nathan’s FIRST conference. That must be worth something at trading card time…

I met people for the first time that I was talking to through email (some for years). Some have been a wealth of knowledge in areas such as Breed Specific Legislation, dog bite data, adoptions, shelter operations, animal-control, and some even looked to me for help (or support) from time-to-time.

I also met folks that I just wanted to congratulate for what they were doing in the industry. Most of the people I met (or spoke with) I otherwise may never run into in person. I mean, I live in Rhode Island; so let's say someone I know lives in New Mexico. Not likely that we are going to run into each other at Starbucks. So as nice as it was to meet everyone (for the first time and some again) it was especially nice to “finally” meet Brent Toellner, Ryan Clinton, and to put a friendly Internet face to Jaime Horton.

I eagerly got to see again and spend time with an incredible volunteer from a past city (and friend), like Michelle....

....and even talked with people who I didn’t know of, but who knew me. That was somewhat uncomfortable as I’m not one who embraces the limelight or has done anything of substance in my animal-welfare career. So to have strangers approach me in the hallway and say, “Oh my God, you’re Doug Rae!!” was totally unexpected and rather uncomfortable.

But through all of the people that I met for the first time, all of the good friends that I saw again, and everyone in between, I simply do not have a better friend in animal-welfare than Nathan Winograd.

Nathan’s presentation at the 2002 No More Homeless Pets conference convinced me to leave my corporate career and enter animal-welfare working for the animals. His presentation was solid; in fact; I found it very business-like (yes, even with the Monkees music).



As I walked up to Nathan after his workshop, I told him what many people probably have over the years; that he “inspired” me. I’m sure I was just another face in the crowd and Nathan was thinking, “next” as nine people formed a line behind me waiting to meet him. But for me, Nathan had no idea he had just changed my life.

I wonder how many people walked away from the 2011 No-Kill conference that, like me in 2002, now want to take on animal-welfare as a career.… ?

Managing an animal shelter and not knowing the difference between an Australian Shepard and a German Shepard and having zero allies in the animal-welfare field to turn to, I found myself in uncharted waters. In my first shelter I knew absolutely nothing about animal-sheltering and I knew even less about how incredibly dysfunctional animal-welfare was. It wasn't easy for this retail guy...

I almost certainly muddled through the days, weeks, and months; self-teaching myself the business and making mistakes along the way. Animal-welfare is a very difficult (and trying) industry to work in; so my first job as a Shelter Manager was awfully challenging.

As I moved up the organizational chart and I branched out to take on different cities (and more responsibility), I still needed guidance here and there to save as many lives as possible and to overcome the industry’s ineptitude. But really, my sales background and customer service skills fit nicely into animal-sheltering (for me anyways). It was having a structured business mind-set that didn’t seem very welcome in animal-welfare.

The personal and professional challenges became more frequent as the responsibility grew -- so I decided to turn to this guy named Winograd for help. Why create the wheel when someone has done it before me. 

Today I’m incredibly proud to call Nathan a good friend.

When I see Nathan and he loudly says, “Dougie!!” as he did at the conference, I quickly forget everything that he has done for me over the years and see Nathan for who he is. A very kind, thoughtful, gracious and considerate man with one major goal in life – to save animals lives and cripple anyone who gets in his or the animals way.

He doesn’t play the “nonsensical games” that so many workers (and ego-driven Directors) embrace in animal-welfare. His generosity is probably so appealing to the masses that people surely take advantage of his good-will. I did just that after starting a new job. When I hit “send” on my keyboard, I remember thinking, “Did I foolishly just ask Nathan to help me with this?”

As ridiculous (and almost inappropriate) as my request was that day, Nathan was 'Johnny on the Spot' not only offering his help, but assisting in ways that I never even thought possible. For years, Nathan has helped me in the shadows of life and ever so quietly behind the scenes. The only person who knew Nathan was as deeply involved with me as he was -- would be my wife Lynn. Phoenix, Maryland, Philadelphia, Indianapolis, Rhode Island; he’s been there if I needed him. I just needed to “ask.”

I hate to bug Nathan so I try hard not to. No doubt the majority of No-Kill Nation contact him with their own requests. Moreover Nathan is a busy guy. He writes a wicked informative blog, authors books, writes legislation, plans conferences, travels around the country doing a host of talented things, is a full time father and husband, and knowing Nathan as I do, I’m sure he's secretly planning a program where new Shelter Directors will spend a week at the Hogwarth School of Witchcraft so they can easily recognize the hoards of “muggles” in animal-welfare.

Nathan has never hesitated “one time,” not once saying, “I’m busy Doug, I can’t.” Ok, maybe once. He was out of town and sent me an immediate email saying he’d help as soon as he returned; and he did. In fact, and as crazy as this sounds, his consistently rapid response gives me the impression that he stops what he is doing just so he can focus on Doug Rae. I’m sure many others feel the same way about Nathan and their own issues. Case in point....

...during one of the workshops at the conference, someone asked a speaker, “Considering all that you are doing and how it can come back against you, who is your legal counsel?” The speakers reply was immediate, “I have Nathan Winograd.” Not surprising to hear considering what Nathan has done for me. 

I also had to pleasure to see Nathan’s wife Jennifer at the conference. I hadn't seen Jennifer since she came to Philly on Nathan’s Redemption book tour a few years ago. But unlike how father-time has treated Nathan..

...Jennifer seems to get more and more........ whats the word I’m looking for…..?

....ADORABLE ........as she gets older. She is so darn charming and cute that I almost asked Jennifer if she needed a date to the prom. So, as always, it was nice to see and talk with Jennifer.

I’m hopeful that Jennifer speaks at the next conference.

I know that I could not be doing what I do for a living, could not have vivaciously fought the battles that I have, and would not have moved around the country more than a felon on the run, without Lynn by my side supporting me "every step of the way." So is Jennifer Winograd the rock behind Nathan Winograd just as Lynn is for me? Of course she is.

It would be nice to hear Jennifer tell a room full of people what it’s like to be Mrs. Winograd, the challenges that she surely must face in that role, and how it has affected the movement, her family, her husband, and of course, Jennifer.

The faces of animal-welfare were in abundance at this years conference and I’m not going to name them all since I’ll omit people. Some were friends, some I had never met, some carried with them very high credentials and have produced incredible numbers and efforts in their city.

Some speakers, like Michael Mountain, presented a very knowledgeable presentation that I sorely wished was longer, while others had just the right amount of time. The workshop content was immense and almost too much. I wasn’t able to hit a few that I wanted to take in since there were so many to pick from. I regret not having the time to see "three" workshops (speakers) that I really wished I had circled in my program.

Nationally acclaimed Seth Godin was Saturday’s lunchtime speaker. He was tremendous. I can’t imagine one person left the room uninspired after hearing Seth speak. Seth had great control of his material, took charge of the room better than other “famous” speakers that I have seen, and his words and slide-show went together better than peanut-butter and jelly; it was smoother than smooth.

I could have listened to Seth for another 2-3 hours. “LEAD US” was Seth’s mantra.

At the start of Seth’s slide-show, picture after picture of Basset/Beagle “hound” dogs graced the screen. My good friends at the Arizona Basset Hound Rescue would have been beside themselves had they seen this presentation. Anyone who knows me also knows that I have a serious affection for hounds; any hound. Especially the ones that end up at my shelter...(notice the cushy bed!)

I “always” carry a family photo of me, Lynn, and all of my children (read dogs). Five of the six dogs in this photo are Bassett Hounds from shelters I have managed. The sixth dog is a rescue from when Lynn and I lived in Ohio and I worked corporate retail. I carry this photo with me everywhere -- to meetings, to lunch dates, to Board meetings, even to job interviews. You name it and I've found the time to pass this pic around the room (any room).

This picture has followed me through four different states. Ivy, one of the dogs in this photo, was recently claimed by cancer so the photo obviously means a great deal to me.

Since Seth showed a love for hounds in his slide-show, I wanted to show Seth my Bassets. During the signing of Seths book "Tribes" (great book!), I said, “Seth, I loved your presentation and wanted to share this with you” (as I handed him my family picture). I figured why not? Hound lovers love to share with other Hound lovers, right? Plus it’s always nice to talk to a guy with less hair than me...

Seth took the picture, smiled from ear to ear, and said “How nice; thanks”, as he tucked the picture to his immediate right.  Seth went on to sign my book and said, “Thanks for all you do Doug” and I walked away so the people behind me could have their books signed. But as you may have already guessed, I walked away without my picture. 

For someone as blunt as I am and who says what’s on his mind, I felt like the Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of Oz. I didn’t have an ounce of courage to ask for my picture back; a picture that had been with me for years.  

I shared the “Seth story” with my wife that night and Lynn laughed so hard I thought she was going to spit up her dinner. I wonder why Seth took my family picture and didn’t give it back, but really, why bother wondering that! This is Seth Godin; someone incredibly famous and he wanted my family picture. Though Seth probably doesn’t have my picture any longer, I still imagine that Seth carries a picture of my family with him everywhere he goes. That’s my story anyway, and I’m sticking to it….

The gender-face of animal welfare is also changing. Instead of being one of five or six guys in an incredibly large room dominated by females (as I was back in 2002 in at my first NMHP conference), I was surprised to see the number of males at this conference. I don't know the exact number, but I saw a lot of guys. This was a nice industry change. 

There is so more to share about the conference, but not from me, not tonight. There are articles on the conference online, and Facebook is loaded with information on the conference (No Kill Nation, No Kill Revolution, and a host of others), so I won’t rehash what's already been said.

So what did I take away from the conference?

First, I heard the vegan lunch at previous conferences was not very good. I am FAR from a vegetarian so I became worried. Lynn and I have tried to ride this wagon a few times over the last 13 years, but we always seem to fall off. Contrary to what I heard at the conference, and what I saw with my own eyes at the tables at lunchtime that weekend, I thoroughly enjoyed the vegan lunch ...... both days.

When I went out Saturday night in Washington, I didn’t order meat. Sunday night, no meat. Since I've returned from the conference, Lynn and I have gone out to eat twice and both times I ordered from the very tiny vegetarian box in the corner of the menu. Last night Lynn came home from work tired and said she needed to go to the Grocery store. So I said I’d go with her and push the cart and bag the groceries for her. As we were walking by the meat department, Lynn said, “You don't want meat anymore right?” Or when we went out to eat this weekend, Lynn said, “Did you see the vegetarian fajitas? I bet you’ll like them.”

I was hoping Nathan and Jennifer's new book, All American Vegan was for sale at the conference. Sadly it was not. When it was raffle time and their book was up for grabs, I sat in my chair doing the 2011 wireless version of a Spock mind-meld......“you will pick my number, you will pick my number….” No such luck. Had I won one of the bigger prizes in the raffle, I would have searched out the cook-book winner and bartered with him or her until I either had the book, or it was time for me to board my plane home.  

With some of the great speakers in attendance, informative topics being discussed, and with all of the uplifting speeches and presentations, you’d expect that I could have flown back home on the cloud that the conference created for me, right? Think again.

After I was away from all of the hoopla, all of the workshops, all of my friends, all of the people who I had just met for the first time, and Washington, DC -- what I really took away from the conference was that I was failing......................... failing the No-Kill movement.

Hence the reason for listening to John Maxwells book, “Failing Forward” in my car two hours a day all of last week. John says to, "Always measure an obstacle next to the size of the dream you are pursuing." Nice words to hold onto considering some of the battles in animal-welfare and what's at stake for the animals. 

For days now I thought back to the group of ladies that walked up me and said “Oh my God, you’re Doug Rae!!” and the gal, originally from Indianapolis, who introduced herself and expressed her displeasure with what happened to me in Indy, and asked if she could have her picture taken with me --- and I thought...

.... “Really people?.... Seriously?”  

I’m no Mitch Schneider, no Michael Mountain, no Ryan Clinton, no Bonnie Brown, I’m not even Nathan Winograd's long lost second-cousin. I’m not worthy to cut the toe-nails of Seth Godin's dog. Well, maybe I am now that Seth carries this picture with him….  

Sure the numbers seem to follow me, but nothing to shout off the mountain top. In Maryland we saved over 94% of the dogs but we still killed 68% of the cats, so there was nothing to report. In Philly, the save rate went as high as 73%, but Austin probably shot past 73% in day two after hiring a new Director; so nothing to report again.

At Indy, we crushed a previous adoption record by adopting 153 animals on the 4^th of July. Then a City-Councilor (whose BSL bill I wouldn’t support) came after me for breaking a city-ordinance pricing (I lowered the adopt fee to only $4), and then the Union cried foul claiming that I forced “his” employees to work till 10pm; so there was nothing to report yet again.

When is saving lives something bad? Enter Indianapolis.

When other cities (and Directors) were battling, fighting, knocking down walls and pushing aside the people that got in their way to achieve No-Kill success -- I knocked down the same walls, fought similar battles, and did what I do best -- Stood up for the animals at all cost; even if meant that my job might be in jeopardy. Yet unlike the Austin or Reno successes, I found myself writing about my termination.

Here’s the bottom-line; and I expect my lovely wife to not be happy with me for saying this. This year’s No-Kill conference proved ever so clearly that I’m not doing well enough. Not even close. I thought I was battling hard enough; I guess I wasn’t. I thought I had what was best for the animals as my guiding light; I suppose I didn’t. I thought I was motivated as much as Austin was to see the fight through to the end; I wasn't.

I found myself believing that I failed the No-Kill movement and the people that were waiting for another Reno-like moment. And I failed the one man who supported me through fight after fight, union after union, city after city, and so much more. My good friend Nathan.

As I write this I am keenly reminded of the day when Nathan called me and said,“Doug I need you to do this for me. I need you to do this for the movement.” Who in the No-Kill movement could ever say no to Nathan after he said that; I sure couldn't. So the conference demonstrated that I've failed the movement that Nathan asked me to help him with.

I’m sure that a certain animal control specialist from PETA would love to hear me take myself down as she's worked hard to destroy me, Nathan (and the entire No-Kill movement) down sitting behind a computer in her mother's dark and gloomy basement. But who cares about a “specialist” whose only success is saving 3% of the animals that she rescues. Now there's something to brag about at a family get together.

"Hey T, Aunt Millie wants to know what you do for a living again?" .... "I kill animals every day Uncle Bob. Lots and lots of them."

Virginia, where PETA is headquartered, was close to where the conference was held. But I’m sure PETA leadership was busy taking a course in anti-transparency at the CVS across from the Marvin Center, rather than learning how to save 97% of the animals in the building across the street.

So what do I do? Pack up shop, run back to retail with my arms in the surrender mode, while I ask someone else to knock the walls of animal-sheltering ignorance down for me, or allow someone else to fight the nasty battles for me, or plead for someone else to take the unpopular positions that no-one else wants to take? Not likely....

Seth Godin said "Lead Us" while Nathan Winograd said “Be the one." I heard them loud and clear.

I was wrong to think that I was failing the movement. I now realize that the only thing I failed at, was to not get up quick enough to fight another day, to fight harder than ever before, and to finish once and for all what I know I am capable of. 

"There is no doubt in my mind that there are many ways to be a winner, but there is really only one way to be a loser and that is to fail and not look beyond the failure." Kyle Rote Jr

Time to "Be the One."